Ducktrot

 

I'm doing Art Fight again this year! I'm on Team Dream this year (surprisingly, it really seems like everyone's on Dream so far??) and I'm excited to draw a bunch this coming month!
artfight.net/~Duckee - HMU!!
I hope I can go all out. I wore myself out last year, and I'm hoping I can kinda kickstart myself, and get inspired to draw more in general. 


In regards to life stuff, here's a short update - I'm quitting school, and I'm gonna get a job. I'm attempting to make my family leave me alone more, and I'm trying to be a good friend. My bird had her first visit to the vet at age almost 7, and she now wears a tiny bird-sized cone of shame.
And 6 months in, my boyfriend is still incredible.
 

 

I feel like I should probably vent my life somewhere, and dA has always been a place for that.

I'm 25% done with school. Sort of. I failed one of my exams. It was a really big hit for me, since it's something I really really want to be excell in.
It has made me question whether this is the right choice for me. I'm enjoying it, but if I can't do it, then what's the point. I have 9 days to fix it, then I'll have spent my second attempt at it. I don't really know what to do at this point, with everything else going on, it threw me into a rut.

I've finally moved. It was a big stressor, and everything just kind of came down on me at once. It feels weird to have this much space. I haven't even gotten around to cooking anything in my new oven, but I will. 4 days after I moved in, my stoned upstairs neighbors didn't plug in their tabletop dishwasher correctly, causing water damage in my kitchen. There is minor damage, nothing serious, but it was still a lot to process. There's an industrial dehumidifier in my kitchen still. I wish they'd come move it.
On the subject of moving - most of my friends have started getting more serious with their partners, such as moving in together and making decisions to start families. I feel that they are moving away from me, but I know I shouldn't feel like that, because that's just incredibly selfish. I am happy that they're happy, it's just unusual and a new unfamiliar facet of being friends that I am not yet comfortable navigating.

My mom was hospitalized with a blood clot in her leg. It wasn't serious, but it was still really scary. The doctors say it's because of the gene mutation that I also have, which means I could potentially one day suffer the same fate. She has concluded that it's because she hasn't started exercising until about a year ago. I'm glad I have already started now, so it potentially could be prevented.

The only really good thing to happen is that I've gotten a new boyfriend. He's incredible, smart, respectful, funny and so gorgeous. It's very rare that I click with someone this fast and this well, but I feel like we're a good match. I really hope that it'll last longterm, because he's definitely someone I can see myself with. 

I'm still not drawing much, even though I want to. Everything else is too stressful for me to feel like there are moments to sit down and do something productive.
 Things I need to do: 
- Report broken stuff to the landlords association
- Make appointment to hear what I gotta fix in my paper
- Eat breakfast
- Throw all that stuff into my storage room
- Figure out how to book the laundry room
- Assemble Ikea cabinet for my bedroom
- Make plans for date tonight

If you're eligible, go vote in the US election. It literally makes a world of a difference, seeing as this affects everyone in the world, but you're the only one who can do something about it!

 
I pretty much just made this to tell you to go vote, but I can talk life too if needed. Overall, it's a lot of the same as always. 

I've started school again. It's harder than ever, and I'm feeling constantly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of reading and writing we have to do. This is the last years of school I'll have, so I need to focus on getting this done.

Long story short - everyone wants to have a sip of my energy juice, but the cup is very small, and the straws are many. It's frustrating because I really want to focus on the school stuff mainly, but everyone else thinks I should spend time with them as well.

It's Autumn so naturally i'm falling back into the black hole of the winter as per usual. I'm trying to stay on top of it, but it's difficult not to gaze down into the void of depression, which in turn empowers the stress from school.

I'm sorry I'm not drawing. I haven't had the time nor the inspiration to do that the last few months. I'll pick up again at some point, I always do.
 Things I need to do: 
- Make a dentist appointment
- Clean my apartment
- Sort out my wardrobe
- Study for Tuesday

Hello!
Reading old journals feels like it was a lifetime ago, yet could be yesterday. It's wild how things change. I don't know, it's 5 AM and I've been awake and bored for two hours already. Might as well do a life update.

I finished my BA. I'm officially licensed to work with kids now, which is weird because it's something I have never wanted to do. I'm starting my Masters in the Fall, in hope that somehow it'll lead me to my true calling. A starry-eyed vision, no doubt, but if I have to take a job with kids, I will 100% burn out. So I am excited to start learning more about a field I'm actually interested in.

Things ended with the boyfriend for good. We weren't good for each other, and in the end it just wasn't worth it anymore. I've been completely on my own for about 10 months now, which is a big deal to me, since I haven't been legit solo since I was 14. It's been a learning curve. I feel lonely a lot. I really miss how he felt like home to me, but hopefully down the road, I'll feel that again with someone new, where it doesn't turn into a burning pile of garbage.

I have gotten better friends. For the longest time, I've only been friends with guys, but I have gotten really close with a few girls now. It has opened my eyes a lot to how friends can also treat friends, and it has made me a more positive, open and loving person.
Unfortunately it also made it clear how much I have neglected my own emotional needs in my already established friendships. I have started to notice how their girlfriends are expected to behave at parties, compared to how they act, and while it's understandable to encourage conversations and mutual interests, I find their way of doing it offensive and unnatural. It's something I have been vocal about to quite a few of them in 1-on-1 conversations, but I'm afraid that it will probably never change.
I haven't talked to my old best friend for nearly 28 months. I'm not sure who talks to him anymore - possibly my old roommate - but most people see him for who he really is now. It's a closed chapter for me, and it feels really great to not have to deal with his drama and toxicity.

Family is sort of drama, sort of not drama. Basically the usual.

I really wanna move. I like my current studio apartment, but I dream of a real kitchen with an oven. I want a separate bedroom and a bigger bed. I want a couch and a nice TV, and a desk where I can sit up and draw. That's essentially the baseline. I have more dreams like a private washing machine and a balcony, but I'll settle for the baseline. I'm just frustrated that this place is not as big nor as functional as I need it to be. 

I can DEFINITELY go on, but this took an hour to write and I really wanna do laundry. Overall, I am a happier and more functional person now than I have been for many years, and while I am not exactly where I want to be, I have visibly gotten better.
- Stay motivated to work out like I do now
- Clean birdcages
- Laundry
- Nice healthy breakfast
- More art
- Celebrate that my friend got a good grade on her exam