Still alive, still cool .. a little drama. Drawing quite a lot.
It's the summer holiday now, so there's not much of a school update this time. A classmate is having a party soon though, I'm kinda looking forward to it, but at the same time I really don't want to get too drunk. Fortunately if he's having it at his place, it's in walking distance from home, so I could potentially just go home if I wanted to be alone. We'll see I guess.
I've been having a hard time calming down after my very stressful spring. One of my therapists have suggested that it's because my body's been producing too much cortisol (whatever that is) which is leading me to feel the way I do. Idk if it's that, but the way she explained it made sense I guess. I'm aware of the fact that it feels worse when I have to deal with the drama-side of the family, so I'm trying to avoid them until August, where I'll have to see them a lot due to upcoming birthdays.
I've also been trying to figure things out with someone - we've been pretty close and couple'y for a long time now, and I'd like to get it settled whether it should be made official or if it's always gonna be this actually-but-not-really situation forever. Since my ex fell out of that window (the anniversary for that is coming up soon, I've been thinking about it a lot lately), it made me face my own mortality and the fact that you might lose people you love just like that without a warning. I've lost this guy before, and I don't want to lose him again. I'm sick of being Ross and Rachel (yes, I have also been rewatching Friends - someone please stop me). It's a relationship that we'll both really have to work for, but if we do, I know it can be something that lasts. I just don't know if he's willing to put in that work.
I got a new therapist. I've really disliked her so far - she uses an annoying breathy voice when she talks to us, and you can tell by the way she talks to us that she sees herself as superior to us because she's "educated" and we're just "confused kids". We're 20 to literally 30 years old.
I had a solo session with her the other day though, and she had a lot of good points. She even brought up some things that I'd considered a while back, but it had seemed like the other therapist didn't take it seriously when I brought it up. I don't really know what to think about her now. I hate that I'm probably gonna end up liking her. I have a problem with selfproclaimed authority figures.
I haven't exercised yet. I really hate myself for continuously prosponing that. I'm considering to take a different approach to it and just switch to artificial sweetener. Idk yet. It's a plan in the works.
I'm also going to hold back on the alcohol from now on. I'm really really sick of saying all kinds of crap to people when I've had too much, pissing people off, and then not remembering anything I said the next day. That shitty trait has REALLY gotten me in trouble lately.
Also, if you want to commission me, please don't hold back! Things I should probably get done
- Shitty painting for my dad that I can't believe I'm still not fucking working on.
- Sign up for that rental support grant thing
- Take my bird to the vet
- Start on my Christmas wishlist. Lord knows if I don't start now, I won't have anything good.